Three Hours.

A co-worker of mine commented today that I need to get out of the house more often.

Why?

I spent three hours on Sunday making this. It's not even that good.

But I made it anyway. It was an idea that'd been noodling since originally seeing "The Fellowship of the Ring" many years ago. Yes, it's been many years that the movie has been out.

Anywho, parts of my editing are sheer genius... Yes. I am modest. Suck it.

So, when you watch... Sauron's opening: timing changed. The ring abandoning Golum: edited and sped up. The song itself: 1.2 minutes shorter than original.

But watch the choreography. Things sync up. This wasn't just some lame-ass quick job... I actually did do a decent job. Again, it's not my best work, but it's good. And it's inspired me to make a new ICO video.

I made one about a year after ICO was released, using Daft Punk's "Aerodynamic" as the music. I'll likely try that again. It's VERY appropriate... especially if you ever saw the original video for it.
But who knows... I may use a different tune.

And... I may even make one for Shadow of the Colossus.

Google Earth - Ignorance is Bliss

Yeah... so Google Earth is the knowledge I didn't want.

While I think it's great that I can a take vitural tour of Bryce Canyon or the Grand Canyon, and that I can see great maps of my favorite spots in San Francisco... I really didn't want to know that my house was captured.

No, this shot isn't a shot of my house. It's a shot of the gas station where I regularly fill up. But it's not far from my house.

If there was ever anything that made me feel like Big Brother was watching... that all the crazy stuff I saw in "Enemy of the State" could actually happen... that all those conspiracy theorists out there could be right... this is it.

My only consolation is that the shot of my house is at least 2 1/2 years old. Heh... it has my (long ago sold) Dodge Dart parked out front.

My God. It's full of STENCH.

When you're hired on as a regular full-time employee of The Company, you get to have an exceedingly boring talk with a person in Human Resources. This person in Human Resources is usually very attractive with minty-fresh breath. The chat consists of the HR person telling you all of the great things that being a slave to part of The Company affords you. And, she tells you to bathe.

Seriously. It's in the employee handbook or something. "Appropriate personal grooming habits" or the like. So, basically, if I stank, I could be canned for it.

Temporary and Contract employees, are not regular full-time employees and are therefore exempt from the "You stank, you fired!" rule.

How do I know this? Well, there's a group of contract workers not far from where I sit. I have to walk past them when I get up for a soda. I have to walk past them to use the head. I have to walk past them to enter or exit the building.

I'd noticed a smell before. Nicotine. Nicotine and sweat. Well, today it achieved a new level: nicotine, sweat, and shit. Now, I'm not one to bandy that word around unless I mean it, but seriously, it smells like shit.

I came back from the bathroom, which, by the way, always stanks, and noticed their stench was WORSE.

I got back to my desk and rammed Pepp-O-Mint LiveSavers up my nose.

I caught one of their team leaders later and told him, "Dude, your people stink." He was fully aware that they did and had already spoken to them about it, but he was prepared to tell them that their stench is so foul that other people in the building were complaining.

I told him that'd be happy to tell them that were a bunch of stinky bastards, but he said he'd handle it.

I'll be the judge of that.

Oh Shit, It's Dr. Tran!

Even more hilarity from this great wonder we call the intarweb.

Those crazy cats over at Lone Sausage Productions have brought us the 30,001st installment of the Dr. Tran movies: Here Comes Dr. Tran.

As you can by the image, my favorite of his films is "Oh Shit, It's Dr. Tran".

Just go watch.

It's damn funny.

Support Joss Whedon!

Oh, the things we do for love.

Yes, a group of us at The Company "banded" together to purchase silicon bracelets proclaiming for all to see, who our master is.

You will note, of course, the color of the bracelet: brown. Yes... everything looks good from here. Yes... yes... this is a fertile land and we will thrive. We will rule over all this... sorry. Got caught up in the moment.



Not only that, but this one trinket also denounces that flop of a filmmaker, that scourge of the cinema, that butcherer of... you get the idea. Why anyone continues to pay that person to visually assault movie-goers is beyond me.

The bracelet is brown with silver lettering. It's stylish and goes with anything. It's also quite comfortable. Sorry, but I don't have any extras to spare. They've all been accounted for. (Yes, oh Sister of Mine, you're on the list.)

For details on how to order your very own, feel free to shoot me a line.

True dat.

Gamer? Girlfriend/boyfriend of a gamer?

Yeah, you'll know what they're talking about.

Check it out, it's the musical sensation Tripod!

Missing.

Have you seen...?

Some are in bad taste... some are hilarous... some are heart wrenching.

I'd Forgotten About This...

Long ago, I came up with the idea of writing a diary. But not like a regular diary; a Diary of an Evil Genius.

I wrote a bit of it, then... promptly forgot about it. Well, I'm going to start it up again. Maybe, when I'm done, those wacky folks over at Chronicle Books will publish it. Hey... it could happen.

Anyway, I figure that, from time to time, I'll post a random entry from the diary up here. Who knows... maybe I'll scrap my current commentary and go solely with the new format...

We shall see.

But, I shall start with this:


Day Fourteen

The plan has been formulated. Henceforth, it shall be called "My Evil Plan™" and will be kept secret until an appropriate Superhero comes calling.

Aw, crap.

If a Superhero comes around, he’ll have to call me by my Supervillain name... which I don’t have. Oh, great. This is just great. I thought I had all these damnable little details figured out and now I need a Supervillain name.

And a costume.

CRAP! I need a costume! I can’t properly vex some Superhero while wearing jeans and Performance Fleece™. A name and costume. Right, I can deal with that.

Oops on Food Network?

I've said similar things before, but this is beyond classic. Totally funny.

Take one beautiful Food TV Chef. Add one either painfully tart, or just plain horrid creation, and you get... well, you get this.

Giada de Laurentis is the most beautiful woman on cable TV, in my opinion. So, that just makes this little bit of Internet shinanegans that much funnier.

The 2008 Dodge Challenger?

Did you know about this? Cuz if you knew about this and didn't tell me, I'll have to hurt you.

I'll hurt you bad.

I don't care what Diamler-Chrysler says, they're making this car. They will. As long as they keep the price even remotely close to the Mustang, it will sell. It will sell so fast that they'll be kicking themselves for not making more.

And with a Hemi under the hood... the new Challenger will chew up Mustangs.

Yeah sure, Chevy/GM unveiled their Camaro concept car, but it's nowhere near as dropdeadsexy as the Challenger. The thing looks like a Cylon with 4 wheels. GM has already proven that they don't know what they're doing when it comes to retro styling. Their new GTO doesn't look anything like an old GTO, and their HHR... what the hell is that? If you're going to blatantly rip off Chrysler's PT Cruiser, at least make it look good.

...not that Dodge did any better when reintroducing the Charger. They blew it big and caught hell for it. Sure, it has a Hemi, but it looks nothing like any Charger I ever saw. AND... it's a 4 door. Was there ever a 4-door Charger? EVER? No, there wasn't. Dummies.

But Dodge is making amends with this new Challenger. And I will have one. Oh yes, I WILL have one.

Tristan & Isolde

Last night, the wifey and I went and saw a movie you didn't even know was out: Tristan & Isolde. I am appalled by the lack of advertising for this film. And what's the deal with throwing it in with the January trash?

First, let me say a few things to those who claim the movie is a rip-off of The Arthur Legends or Romeo & Juliet: you're backwards.
The Tristan Legends predate the tales of King Arthur by at least 200 years, and predates Romeo & Juliet by around 600 years. It's also worth noting that the King Arthur legends stole most of the Tristan legends (including Tristan & Isolde) and even have Tristan (or Tristran or Tristram) as one of Arthur's most trusted knights. As for Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare stole it from Arthur Brooke, who stole it from Bandello, who stole it from da Porto, who stole it from Salernitano, who got the idea from the Tristan legend of Tristan & Isolde.

The Tristan-Isolde-Mark love triangle was directly put into the Arthur Legend as the Lancelot-Guinevere-Arthur love triangle.
The warring lands of Cornwall & Ireland from Tristan became the houses of Montague and Capulet in Romeo & Juliet.

There. So shuddup.

On to the movie.

The movie seems to be based on Gottfried's interpretations of the Tristan & Isolde Story, rather than on Thomas or Beroul's works. I suppose that's understandable, considering how "courtly" Thomas' work is and how brutal Beroul's is. But Gottfried's telling varies from the "original" written works in significant areas.

And then the movie takes some liberties with the legend, but honestly, they're mostly good liberties and they play well. The love potion is replaced, the three villainous advisors become one person, Morholt isn't Queen Isolde's brother but is Isolde the Fair's betrothed, and the ending is tweaked.

MAD props to Thomas Sangster in his portrayal of a young Tristan. I expect great things from him in the future.

And please oh please, let this film be the launching pad for Sophia Myles. Although the movie's film editor needs to be banned from ever editing anything again (I'm hoping for a "Director's Cut" on DVD), we could actually see Isolde's (Myles) anguish and despair, and her fleeting moments of happiness & joy all mixed together. Wonderful acting on Sophia Myles part.

As for local boy James Franco, I could have done with a bit more despair and longing and a little less freaky stalker. But this could be director Kevin Reynold's fault. I would have preferred that Ridley Scott stayed behind the camera rather than behind the scenes... but I digress. Franco had his work cut out for him and pulled in a solid performance, rough spots notwithstanding.

If you're a fan of the Arthur legends and would like to know a bit more about where they came from, this is your movie. If you're looking a tragic romance flick, this is your movie. If you're looking for gunfire, explosions, and swearing... uh... how about this one?

I'm here. You're not.

Yeah, so I sucked at posting up here all week. I'm sure for the 5 of you who actually pop in that this presented only a minor annoyance.

But now I'm here. And luck you; you get a BIG update. Ready?

I'm at work again. But it's ok this time. I got to day swap. So I had my weekend on Thursday and Friday and am now encased in the glass and plaster that is my office.

My work PC is making noises that resemble a Nash Rambler with a dead throw-out bearing. But as it's my work PC and I've told our IT guy about it (three times) I just don't care. Let the fucker die. I hope it actually starts spewing smoke and sparks. Then I'll get a day of solid blissfull counter-production as I sit around doing NOTHING while the IT guy runs around trying to figure it out. (Hint: THE FUCKING POWERSUPPLY FAN IS DYING! WHEN IT DIES, COMPUTER GO BOOM!)

Taco Bell has released a "Cheesy Bean & Rice" burrito. I think the beans are real, everything else is likely fake. But man, is it GOOOOD. It's got refried beans, rice, pico de gallo, grated cheese and.... fakey nacho cheese goo! I tell ya, I pretty much hate everything that's fake, (except Coca-Cola) but in this burrito, that fakey nacho cheese goo is totally grubtastic.

I caved and bought the GBA Micro. Not just any GBA Micro, mind you. No no... I got the 20th Anniversary Famicom Micro version. The packaging for the U.S. version is not nearly as cool as the Japanese version, and it doesn't have the "20th" brand on the back (damn you, Panzer!) but still, it's splendiforous. To keep my Micro warm and safe, I got this leather case. It works. It's lined with a thin layer of fleecy stuff and keeps my Micro safe from scratches, but there's no belt hook. WTF? It would be prefect with a hook on the back. Ah well. At least it's still pocket-sized, even in the case.

Jay managed to kill his hard disk drive. I'm sad for him... but that's reason number #1 why I only use Seagate Hard Disk Drives. Hell, I have a well-used, 6 year-old Seagate Barracuda 20 gig HDD that still quietly does its job. Anywho, if you know of a company that can revive his HDD, go tell him, mmkay?

Yes, Apple launched their new machines powered by Intel. 4 times faster at the same price... damn them. The new "MacBook Pro" makes me want to go on a killing spree just to have one. I know, I know... I shouldn't covet anything, but damn that machine and its deadsexiness. But I do have admit, iLife '06... over the top. I have a slogan for Apple to use, free of charge:

Buy iLife '06
Because you don't have one

He's baaaaaaaaack.

Today, I'm pimpin' buddy Shawn Williams (a.k.a. Kwip) revamped site: NeenerNeener.Net. He's back to talkin' about games AND he's started Podcastin'... erhm, I mean "N3RDcasting."

Me = totally jealous.

I tried to do the podcast thing... even got all the needed hardware and software (which wasn't hard since I own an Apple computer or two)... but I found that while I have lots of stuff to write about, not so much in the talking about department coming from me.

Anywho, go. Now.

Freeways aren't free.

Me, behind the wheel of a car, is a thing to witness... well out of earshot. I'm a perfectly happy driver when no one else is on the road, but get 5 other cars out there with me, and I want to kill them. Until quite recently, I was firm believer that:
1. There are 158,000 people in the State of California who should never drive on the freeway.
2. Of those 158,000 people, 99,000 should never have been given a license in the first place.
3. Of those 99,000 people, 7,000 should never EVER be behind the wheel of a car; even if they are dead and someone is playing a freakish joke posthumously.
4. Of those 7,000 people, fifteen of them will be on the same stretch of highway with me.
5. Of that fifteen, four will be directly in front of me.

There are times when I still beleive that's true. Like this morning.

I won't go into details because I really don't want to relive it. I'll just say that if roof-mounted rocket launchers were legal, there would be 1 Mercedes C Class (diesel, of course), 2 BMW X3s, 1 Ford Focus, and 1 Chrysler Town & Country burning in hellish fire on highway 101 this morning, with hundreds caught in the apocalyptic aftermath.

Fast lane means FAST, people! "Slower traffic keep right" is NOT a suggestion, it's the LAW!

100% Pure Awesome.

Undoubtely, one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Listen closely. You can hear the "wakka, wakka, wakka..."

Life Immitates WTF?

The story you are about to read is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the goobers I work with from massive public humiliation.

Fact #1 - While everyone I work with is over age 21, we all act as if we're about 15.
Fact #2 - Sugar has adverse effects on people, even after puberty.
Fact #3 - Walking while consuming a beverage is rarely a good strategy.

This is a story involving myself, my boss, and three of my goofball co-workers. We'll call them Moe, Shemp, and Larry.

Moe walks down the hall past my office, head tipped back, drinking a Coke from a can. Shemp, unbeknownst to Moe or myself, is rounding the corner walking towards Moe. Directly in front of Larry's office:
1. Moe stumbles, Coke can still lifted above his head.
2. Shemp, seeing the stammering Moe, overreacts and launches himself in freakish cat-like fashion away from Moe and directly into Larry's office.
3. Moe loses his balance and falls sideways into a wall (THUD!)
4. Shemp flys into Larry's office and lands inches from a startled Larry (BOOMF!)
5. Moe bounces off the wall and falls, face first, into Larry's office (WHOMP!)
6. Larry repeats the phrase, "OH MY GOD!" ad infinitium.
7. My boss emerges from his office to investigate.
8. Shemp laughs
9. Moe tries to explain to the boss why he's lying on the floor, covered in cola.
10. The boss says, "Stick to drinking water."
11. Larry says, "And do it at your desk!"
12. I shout from my office, "Can you monkeys keep it to a dull roar? I'm trying to work!"
13. Walking back to his office, the boss says as he walks past, "They ARE monkeys. I'd call them trained monkeys but they haven't got the training."

I'm beginning to think that vying for a promotion would be a mistake. I'd miss all the hijinks.

Old News: Samorost 2 is Out!

So, a while back I posted about the best flash game ever. Well kids and crustateans, Part 2 is out!

It's fun enough, but some of the puzzles seem just a bit too derivative. I dunno, maybe the original spoiled me and my expectations were too high. I haven't bought the full version yet so I can play Chapter II of Part 2, but I likely will...

Anywho, just giving you an update.

Break's Over: On With The Show!

Miss me?

Little Christmas/New Year's break there. But I'm back.

You will read this.

And I quote:

"But don't listen to the talk about having shows beamed directly into your brain. That's science-fiction nonsense. Shows will be stored in the pancreas and will enter the brain through the bloodstream after being downloaded into your iHole."

Comedy gold.

If Joss Whedon isn't your Master, you're doing it wrong.