The REAL Monkey Ball!

OH HELLZ YEAH!

Six thousand seven hundred and seventy meters, baby! DEEP into Monkey Village, out the other side, and into Monkey Lander Territory!

I love simple one-button time-wasters. They are all that is good and right with casual gaming. Now to get this sucker onto a mobile phone...

More on the N

I stink.

No, I'm not commenting on my own writing style... I actually smell horrid. And yes, I showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, and used deodorant this morning.

What happened was...

While waiting for the N Judah this morning, a person of suspect hygiene and below-standard courtesy decided to light up. He already smelled as if he'd chain-smoked 2 packs before lighting up, so this latest bath in nicotine-soaked smoke wasn't helping.
He wasn't smoking Marlboros or Camels, or I'd've stood nearby and drunk in the second-hand smoke. (Hey, shut it. I quit smoking in college, but it doesn't mean I can't have a little fun now and again.) Whatever cigs he was smoking smelled horrid and I promptly wandered away.

The N Judah arrived and we all piled in like good little lemmings... and guess who stood RIGHT next to me? Yeah, Mr. Smoky McStinkensmell.

The ride took no longer than usual... but upon fleeing the N at the Montgomery Station, I found that I could still smell Mr. McStankanreek. His stench permeated my own clothes. GRAAHH!!

I swear, if I didn't love this shirt (and loath the Gap's latest fashion disasters) I'd go buy new clothes and throw what I'm wearing away. It's beyond annoying that I now have to endure this sinus-clogging situation.

So, in the spirit of my latest trend...

Ladies and Gentlemen.
Before riding the N Judah, T Third, J Church, or M Ocean View, please refrain from making yourself stink.
If you already stink before arriving at the MUNI station or stop of your choosing, please refrain from making it WORSE.
If it's the morning and you've showered, and yet you already stink: you're doing it wrong. Please watch Sesame Street and learn how to bathe.
If you don't know whether or not you stink, or you've applied cologne, perfume, or both; trust us: you stink.

Thank you for riding MUNI.

Top Ten Ways I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah

So, I've been taking the N Judah again. I actually like it. It's usually diametrically opposed to me hoofing it over to 4th/Stockton and getting on the smelly, cramped, sweaty, unfriendly 30 or 45. The N Judah is welcoming. And the recorded gal that comes on in the underground sounds hawt...
"Approaching... Inbound... 2 car... N N... followed by... 1 car... J... in two minutes."
Yeah, baby.

But I digress. As I used to take the N back in the days when I first worked up in the City, I'm a veteran. Heck, I remember when the N first started making the trip out to Caltrain.

Now that I've started once again riding the N, I've noticed... noobs. No, not newbies, noobs. Yes, there is a difference. Therefore, in the spirit of making fun of people:

Top Ten Ways I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah Before

10. You walk in, stand there, and glance from side to side. [You should know where you're going before you get on the train.]

9. You walk in and don't sit down or hold on. [Like the taste of that floor do ya? I doubt a bum has peed there... recently.]

8. You act annoyed when someone makes you move your breifcase so they can sit down next to you. [Dude, it's a packed train. You should get your lazy ass up and let that old lady sit down!]

7. You try to drink your double half-caff no-foam with-whip extra-hot grande mochaccino. [Coffee looks good on you! Really it does!]

6. You whip out your new iPod and start poking at it. [Good way to get it ripped from your hands.]

5. You start rummaging around through your bag/purse/briefcase. [We don't mind seeing your life spilled all over the floor.]

4. You whip out your new Treo/BlackBerry and start poking at it. [see #6]

3. You try to have a conversation with the person next to you. [Uhm... the whole car doesn't care what you're doing tonight.]

2. You take out your celphone and try to hold a conversation. [see #3]

And The Number One Way I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah Before:
1. You curse & get agitated every time the N stops for no apparent reason.


*sigh*

Yeah.