Top Ten Ways I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah

So, I've been taking the N Judah again. I actually like it. It's usually diametrically opposed to me hoofing it over to 4th/Stockton and getting on the smelly, cramped, sweaty, unfriendly 30 or 45. The N Judah is welcoming. And the recorded gal that comes on in the underground sounds hawt...
"Approaching... Inbound... 2 car... N N... followed by... 1 car... J... in two minutes."
Yeah, baby.

But I digress. As I used to take the N back in the days when I first worked up in the City, I'm a veteran. Heck, I remember when the N first started making the trip out to Caltrain.

Now that I've started once again riding the N, I've noticed... noobs. No, not newbies, noobs. Yes, there is a difference. Therefore, in the spirit of making fun of people:

Top Ten Ways I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah Before

10. You walk in, stand there, and glance from side to side. [You should know where you're going before you get on the train.]

9. You walk in and don't sit down or hold on. [Like the taste of that floor do ya? I doubt a bum has peed there... recently.]

8. You act annoyed when someone makes you move your breifcase so they can sit down next to you. [Dude, it's a packed train. You should get your lazy ass up and let that old lady sit down!]

7. You try to drink your double half-caff no-foam with-whip extra-hot grande mochaccino. [Coffee looks good on you! Really it does!]

6. You whip out your new iPod and start poking at it. [Good way to get it ripped from your hands.]

5. You start rummaging around through your bag/purse/briefcase. [We don't mind seeing your life spilled all over the floor.]

4. You whip out your new Treo/BlackBerry and start poking at it. [see #6]

3. You try to have a conversation with the person next to you. [Uhm... the whole car doesn't care what you're doing tonight.]

2. You take out your celphone and try to hold a conversation. [see #3]

And The Number One Way I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah Before:
1. You curse & get agitated every time the N stops for no apparent reason.


*sigh*

Yeah.