Dear MTA, You Suck.

I was going to spend today's entire post ranting about the horrific service from the "new and improved J Church/T Third to Caltrain" lines, but the San Francisco Chronicle has beaten me to the punch.

But, hey... it's me. So I'll do it anyway.

I left my office at 4:55. I had planned on taking 5 minutes to get the station, a 10 minute wait for my LRV (MUNI says a maximum 8 minute wait, but they lie), and a 15 minute ride to Caltrain. I'd make it to my train with over 5 minutes to spare.

So, promptly 5 minutes after I left my office, I was at the Montgomery St. Station, standing on the platform... with 20 other people who already waiting.

After 10 minutes, a two-car M rolled up and parked. And I mean PARKED. Doors open, not moving. About 2 minutes later, a two-car N rolled in behind the M and let its passengers out. 1 minute later, an L was blocked in behind both of them.

3 minutes later, the 2-car M closed its doors and scuttled out of the station. One minute after that, the N bolted from the station, leaving the L to slowly roll up.
All the while, the poor computerized voice was repeating herself, over and over, like some bizzare scene from Max Headroom or Airplane:
"Approaching, Inbound, 2-car, Embarcadero. Followed by, Embarcadero in 2 minutes. Embarcadero in 3 minutes. I am sick of this, Embarcadero, crap. Inbound trains, are, completely hosed."
At one point, I distinctly heard:
"Approaching, Inbound, 2-car Embarcadero. Followed by... In two minutes. ...In four minutes."

Then, we finally heard the voice announce a ONE car J in 4 minutes. Of course, the NextMuni led system didn't show any J lines in the loop for the next 11 minutes.

And then, after 30 minutes of waiting... a single... solitary... J Church train rolled up. And the 150 of us at the Montgomery St. Station tried to jam into it.

Most of us made it, some of us didn't. Then, at the Embarcadero stop, more people tried to cram in. A few made it. Most didn't.

The train had to make elongated stops at each station as locals tried to scramble out of the thing.

Fifty-two minutes after I left my office, I was at Caltrain. Luckily, I was able to catch the 5:56 Southbound. If I had WALKED all the way from my office to Caltrain, I'd've gotten there quicker.

So, would someone at MTA like to explain to me how a 30 minute wait for a ONE CAR J Church train is BETTER than a 15 minute wait for a 2-car N Judah?

Cuz, I'm all ears.

Top Ten Ways I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah

So, I've been taking the N Judah again. I actually like it. It's usually diametrically opposed to me hoofing it over to 4th/Stockton and getting on the smelly, cramped, sweaty, unfriendly 30 or 45. The N Judah is welcoming. And the recorded gal that comes on in the underground sounds hawt...
"Approaching... Inbound... 2 car... N N... followed by... 1 car... J... in two minutes."
Yeah, baby.

But I digress. As I used to take the N back in the days when I first worked up in the City, I'm a veteran. Heck, I remember when the N first started making the trip out to Caltrain.

Now that I've started once again riding the N, I've noticed... noobs. No, not newbies, noobs. Yes, there is a difference. Therefore, in the spirit of making fun of people:

Top Ten Ways I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah Before

10. You walk in, stand there, and glance from side to side. [You should know where you're going before you get on the train.]

9. You walk in and don't sit down or hold on. [Like the taste of that floor do ya? I doubt a bum has peed there... recently.]

8. You act annoyed when someone makes you move your breifcase so they can sit down next to you. [Dude, it's a packed train. You should get your lazy ass up and let that old lady sit down!]

7. You try to drink your double half-caff no-foam with-whip extra-hot grande mochaccino. [Coffee looks good on you! Really it does!]

6. You whip out your new iPod and start poking at it. [Good way to get it ripped from your hands.]

5. You start rummaging around through your bag/purse/briefcase. [We don't mind seeing your life spilled all over the floor.]

4. You whip out your new Treo/BlackBerry and start poking at it. [see #6]

3. You try to have a conversation with the person next to you. [Uhm... the whole car doesn't care what you're doing tonight.]

2. You take out your celphone and try to hold a conversation. [see #3]

And The Number One Way I Know You've Never Ridden the N Judah Before:
1. You curse & get agitated every time the N stops for no apparent reason.


*sigh*

Yeah.