Who thought of these?

So, my father-in-law sent me an e-mail the other day. It cracked me up. It was a list of New Rules for Life. I can't take credit for thinking these things up... but I wish I had! Daym, they're funny.

Here are a few:

Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket now: water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a "soft drink". You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one
NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

Comedy feckin' GOLD.