Umbrellas: Operators License Required

Ok, so it's been raining in San Francisco all week.

This means two, unavoidable, things:
1. All MUNI buses will have the heat CRANKED to the max, and
2. Umbrellas in abundance

The reason that the heat on MUNI warrants a mention is that it's NOT cold. We're all wearing coats because of the rain, so a bus at 60 degrees is fine. Unfortunately, the bus drivers are all cold-blooded and must have the heat turned on the instant the temperature inside the bus dips below 69.
AND, since folks are too fscking lazy to raise their arms, all the windows on said buses are closed tight. The whole bus becomes one giant, smelly, sweaty, steamy, hot box. No, I am NOT exaggerating. Worse still: I am, apparently, the only person who finds it offensive.

Now, the umbrella issue is different, but more dangerous.

When I last worked in San Francisco, only a handful of people used umbrellas. Most folks wore coats with hoods, or a nice hat. The sidewalks on Market Street and in the Financial District are wide, but not THAT wide. I mean, you try walking down Montgomery St. at 8:45 am and you'll see what I mean.
So, you get a LOT of people milling about, all walking different speeds, carrying umbrellas at various heights, talking on their cel phones, holding a cup of coffee. You know what happens in this scenario? I get stabbed by the pointy metal tips on the open umbrella... stabbed in the head, the shoulder, and the back... repeatedly.

No less annoying is when you get the pack-o-coworkers walking down the sidewalk... side-by-side... with open umbrellas... making it impossible for anyone to walk past them. I was stuck behind just such a pack this morning. I said, "Pardon me" as I was behind them. They were too busy overusing the word "like" to hear me. I said, "PARDON me" in a much louder voice. One of them turned to glance in my direction. "I'd like to get past," I said at her. She audibly sighed as if my statement was a 20 pound weight placed on her back.
"HEY! He asked nicely! Now get the &*@# out of the way before I knock you down," shouted a 20-something gal in a dark-blue hoodie. I hadn't seen her because my own hood destroys peripheral vision... but she was singularly the most lovely gal I'd seen since leaving the house. (Mainly because she championed my cause!) The gaggle parted, and we umbrella-haters walked through.

Seriously, people should have to pass a test and carry an Umbrella Operators License before being able to purchase one. Common sense is completely inadequate when it comes to handling an umbrella. Either that, or, as Voltaire said: Common sense is not so common.